Cancer sucks

When I found out my Father was diagnosed with lung cancer and that it was inoperable and he only had a short while to live I was more than devestated. To find out someone you have spent your entire life around only will be in your life for a short while on longer feel slike a cruel joke. I had selfish thoughts of how he would never see me graduate from college, have a child or walk me down the aisle at my wedding. I was angry, hurt and confused. I aksed myself all the way up until his funeral how such a good man who only cared about caring for his family could be forced to suffer and be slowly taken away from this Earth. All the while was I and other close relatives fell into a pity of sorrow and mourning for a loss we hadn't even experienced yet, he continued to lead life. It wasn't until havimg a conversation with him, when he told me, "Baby, life still goes on, past this, life doesnt stop." After hearing how calm and and unafraid he was, I was able to just live life with him. We never knew how long we had left to spend with him ,which turned out to be seventeen months after his diagnosis, but we didnt focus on that anymore. I stopped focusing on quantity of time and more on quality. I had more fun with my dad and enjoyed him after that point than I had ever had with him before and that made me go from a dark pit of sorrow to happiness to make each day even more full of memories than the day before.

Changes

As my dad Jim battled cancer, he had emotional, physical and mental wounds. He kept the emotional and mental effects he underwent hiden from us but he could not hide the physical changes he went through. These two photos show the change but one similarity is how you can still see his spirits through his smile.

Jim Gardner

James Gardenr was known to everyone most of his life, other than my sister and brothers as Jim. Hard work and dedication to family and everything he did was what made his life. Family was very important to him and because of his demanding work obligations as a truck driver, whenever he could spend time with us he took every advantage of it. This picture shows him at a family member's home.

Who James Eddie Gardner is

Meet James E Gardner. He is a Husband, Father, Grandfather, Brother, Son, Uncle, and my Step Father. But because he has been in my life and taken care of me since I was two, Poppa is what I call him. Not James, nor anything else formal. He is my dad pure and simple.

Born in Memphis, Tennessee on December 7th, 1945, my dad was raised under a strict Southern upbringing. At the age of 18 he joined the army and served four and a half years. After that he relocated to Milwaukee, WI in 1984 at the age of 39 and just five years later he met my Mother in 1989. Just a short while later they became a couple and he was introduced to my sister and I. This introduction was much rougher for me than it was for my sister because I was only two and she was 14. She understood what was going on but I didn't and ironically accepted him with open arms, however it would take me eight years before I completely accepted him. During those eight years he and my mom married and we began to build a relationship that to this day has been insurmountable.

The Modes I will be using:

EXPOSITORY: This is the first mode we must use and it is used to speak directly to the viewer. It also contains a "God like" narrator and is not driven by emotion.

POETIC: The poetic mode breaks up the real world knowledge of things. It is a concentration on mood, tone and color to convey the overall meaning or purpose of the film if there is one.

PERFORMATIVE: The performative mode stresses subjective experience meaning it is driven by personal experience whether that of the director or the people in the film. It is unconventional and often links personal events to larger historical realities.





How I will achieve each post:

For the EXPOSITORY mode i will use pictures of just my dad. They will show him as the man he is, not as a man with cancer. I will also include audio of a conversation between him and my mother discussing normal everyday things from bills to what is on television. My goal is to be as subjective as possible. To simply introduce who he is without emotion driven language, audio or visuals. Along with the audio will be text just to clarify what is going on in the clip and the text to introduce him.
In the POETIC approach I will introduce who my dad has become living with lung cancer. I will convey with pictures how it has changed his body, but not his will or spirit. I will include audio of me interviewing about the disease as well as my mother and what she has to say about it. I do not want to rely on text, which I will use a captions, but on the power of the pictures and audio to make the viewer feel whatever it is they want to feel. I don't want to dictate what they feel but I do want to make sure they walk away knowing more about my dad and his fight with cancer than they knew before.
And with the PERFORMATIVE approach I will be injecting more of myself and my feelings. I want to be as candid and open as possible through the text I will provide. This is where I will use a picture of me and my dad with a small caption and a video of me, with no sound, and him interacting with no text long with it. This is because I want the viewer to focus on our facial expressions, body language and just the overall interaction without being bombarded with having to follow the audio as well. I want the viewer to see what I am feeling and give the viewer feelings of empathy and maybe even hope if they or someone they know is battling cancer.